Know Your Value To Find The Beauty Within

Know Your Value To Find The Beauty Within

Finding your beauty within is a bit off topic this Monday, but an important issue, as all too often we base our value on how much another loves us. Unhealthy relationships exacerbate low self-esteem, but they don’t define who we are.

Isn’t it ironic that our moods/emotions are often reflected in the current newsfeed on whatever social media network you love? It’s as if the universe is aware of your circumstances. Perhaps, mathematically, the ratio of those who are suffering some type of heartbreak correlates to the amount of friends/followers one has. But, it is still nice to imagine the fates are listening, no matter how improbable it might be.

Which brings us to today’s Hair Police. I am breaking from the traditional mold of valuable key words placed strategically to gain page views and veering from the usual hair, beauty or nails violations. Instead, this Monday’s Ask the Pro Stylist column focuses on the very ugly side of marriage that so often causes the partner to not feel beautiful, loved or to be aware of his/her self worth.

Sometimes the signs are obvious, with one spouse quite aware of maltreatment, and sometimes not. They may feel the marriage is worth every effort, despite consistently being told differently, that love conquers all.

I am not a counselor, although I did set out to be one in the beginning of my life. However, I let circumstances and other people’s needs come before my own, and never continued with graduate school. I am ok with my chosen career path, everything happens for a reason.

But getting back to the magical intuition of social media, I did find a few memes that spoke to the essence of this topic, and an article that hit the nail on the man’s head.

Dave Willis published 9 Things Married Men Need To Stop Doing. While I push more than half of what he describes aside in my own marriage, 3 of his “things” I have finally realized are at the core of relationship issues, which are enough to send her packing.

“Getting mad at your kids for stuff you do too.” This is classic, and both partners are guilty of this at one point or another during the marriage. I know I have, but I think in my case I am open-minded enough to be aware when I get mad for something they have seen or heard me do. I will then not only want to change their behavior, but mine as well. Please notice change the behavior NOT the person.

“Giving your career and your hobbies your best and giving your wife your leftovers, and Zoning out when your wife is talking to you.” I put these 2 together because when we discuss that our needs aren’t met because he is too busy with work/hobby, it appears to go in one ear and out the other.  We need to make money to live and support our families. This is a given. We also need to communicate in a way to learn to listen to what the other is saying.

I believe the Dalai Lama said, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you know, but when you listen, you may learn something new.”

The work you put into a relationship will yield much bigger results than the money you earn. But if you talk over her request for together time, or whatever she might be asking, or ignore it altogether, you will never understand what she is trying to say. Your wife and family need you to be present. Keep pushing her away, and she will just end up gone one day.

And I truly believe ladies, if you are not being valued then find value in yourself and leave, and the beauty within will emerge. You are beautiful and deserve to be loved in the way you want.

©Deirdre Haggerty, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this article may be reproduced without prior written permission and consent from the author.